I got invited
(by a Mom at playgroup)
to a pleasure party.
That's the politically correct term nowadays.
For those of us, non-hip nor PC people
we say Sex toy party
I attended without a plus 1.
I went prepared to feel awkward in a room with 12 strangers
surrounded by latex, silicone and gadgets
but with an open mind as well.
The woman were drinking
The person selling the toys was sweaty
and very openly over the top gay.
(How many times do you have to reference the fact that you're gay?
I get it, we all get it...)
He was funny
but became more funny rude as the party progressed.
He did well taking the attention away from
the TOYS and putting it on himself.Some of the women seemed to appreciate that
he also made jokes that were kind of inappropriate
(maybe I'm just old school)
He commented on the size of one woman's breasts and continually addressed her as "titties" even after the initial joke had come and gone....
and he told a woman she would need a firming gel for her "va-jay-jay" because she had had 4 kids.
They were noticeably insulted but
remained a lot calmer then say....
maybe I would have.
I was ready to take him down with a nice
After he asked me,
"Are you just quiet or socially inept?"
I was thinking....
"I just don't really like you is all."
He retreated as he tried to figure out if I was joking or being serious.
That's right biotch! Suck it!
The first 20 minutes were spent
pretending trying to socialize
and laughing at the host
as he set up his goods on the only available table...
A baby changing table.
He started with lubricants
which were passed around
and us ladies squirted little drops onto our hands.
A few ladies rubbed it elsewhere.
They were drinking. A lot.
Then he brought out the rabbits.
(Warning!! Clicking on the above picture will take you to a sex toy site!)
The room of women grew very loud at this point.
My ears began to hurt.
Squealing and cackling becomes very annoying very quickly.
The guy sharing his personal stories
about ramming and jacking and stroking
was becoming a bit too much for me.
To each their own but seriously
I DON'T NEED VISUALS
PAIRED with PROPS.
I just don't.
One guest asked the guy if he had brought any other "animals".
Apparently she was looking to buy a dolphin.
"I only sell rabbits"
I mean duh, can you imagine how hard traveling with dolphins would be?
With the large water tanks and all.
The room quickly became littered with toys,
rabbits, tubes of lubricants, a tongue
and a suctioned cupped purple dildo on the TV.
I am not against having fun with toys
but I'd rather avoid the hoopla next time.
The party was fun but a bit over done.
After all the crude stories and somewhat belligerent ranting about straight guys and how they all need delay cream
the guy announced he was going upstairs to discretely take orders.
Seriously? Now, you're being discrete.
I sent a text to Darren.
Me: Can I spend a $100 on stuff?
Darren: Uh no
Me: So nothin then?
Darren: A little not $100
Me: The cheapest rabbit is $58
Darren: WTF...that's a lot..nothing cheaper? 20?
I laughed out loud. I could feel the drunken stares burning into the back of my skull.
Me: Um no
Darren: I gotta say no. That's your grill money. I don't want to be a bummer but that's a lot. U agree?
I want a red shiny gas grill a lot more then a rabbit.
But Darren wasn't done texting me yet.
Darren: Any clearance vibes?
I about fell out of my seat
Gotta love the way the man thinks..
Mr. bargain vibe shopper.
The only clearance vibe I'd use is the one I already have, the one that is free and wrapped up in the fancy package..
ya know, my husband.
I got home and googled the rabbit I had set my sights on.
Turns out some places get rabbits by the truckload
and sell them for $50 not $100.
So I can get my gold jack rabbit
(Warning! Clicking on the above picture will take you to Amazon.com's
listing for the Jack Rabbit Vibrator)
a red shiny gas grill.
How dare that guy try to sell me a $50 rabbit for $100?!?
You don't mess with a girl and her toys.
You Just Don't.
**This post is not intended to insult or offend anyone. This is my personal take on a pleasure party I attended recently. The guy was a nice guy and I would recommend him as a host if a raunchier type party is what you're looking for**
Labels: platinum multi-function jack rabbit, pleasure party, sex toy party