Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Whatever It Takes


I've gotta tell you.  The image of the blood pressure machine with it's glaring red reading of 203/117 has burned itself into my brain.  It's been flashing at me all week, every day....and has even caught me in my dreams.

Imagining the unimaginable stole quite a bit of quiet time away from me.
  I can't quite put it into words.

I went for a run on Saturday, the first time since completing a 5k back in August.
It felt great to "get back out there". 
I surprised myself by being able to begin running and not have to walk up to it.  
I liked surprising myself.

It was nice not to have any doubt for a few minutes.  It was nice to feel my heart beating steady and healthy. 


I believe that when it's our time it's our time.  

But something is telling me that I need to pay more attention to ME.
(And it's not just my Mom saying, "Kerri Lynn, you need to nip this in the bud!")

I called the doctors office on Monday morning.  When I told the receptionist at the nurse's station what my blood pressure had been while at the dentist she asked,  

"How old are you?" 

"32", I said. And all I heard was silence.

"We can get you in here on Thursday" her voice boomed back.


Thursday it is.  
I am scared of what I will learn there.


B   u   t     
t   h   e   n

I think about my sons.  
and my husband.  

My life.  The life I share with them,

as   a   F  A  M  I  L  Y.

For a moment I think about their life 
without me in it.  


Imagining the unimaginable 
strikes chords of determination and strength.

I've been through a lot of emotions since last Thursday.
My mind obviously having a hard time processing it all.


I think I've reached the other side.  My next step is in place and that quiets the fear.  I have focus.

When you're looking for answers sometimes you just end up with even more questions.  

I'm not good with waiting for answers.  

My husband says, 

"You expect instant gratification."
Maybe so.  

I like having a direction to point my feet.

Whatever it takes though.  

Whatever it takes.


My boys.  My loves.  I want to grow old with them.  

I     W   i   l   l     D   o     
W   h  a  t  e  v  e  r     I   t     T   a   k   e   s.
T   H   E   Y
 will always matter most.






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22 comments:

Melissa said...

My elevated BP was discovered at the dentist's office, too. It's under control now with medication and a low-salt diet. I hope your visit tomorrow goes well.

Debbie said...

I am glad you are getting it checked. Good for you!
Came over from SITS.

Candace said...

YAY for you Kerri! Glad you're going to the doctor! GOOD LUCK!

Life Without Pink said...

So glad you are getting it checked and taking care of it. Good luck on your visit! Stopping by from SITS and Pour Your Heart Out!

Shell said...

This brought tears to my eyes. I hope that you can get answers.

Thanks for pouring your heart out.

MommyLovesStilettos said...

It's definitely SO important to get that checked out. Good luck and keep us posted! *HUGS*

Stephanie said...

Here from SITS! I am glad that you are taking the step at going to the doctors office and getting it checked! ALSO congrats on getting back out there to run! I only run when someone is chasing me! LOL

erica said...

isn't it amazing what our children can do for us without even trying.. it's funny.. before we have kids, we don't really "care" much about our health.. well, not that we don't care, we're not as concerned.. but once you have those babies everything changes.. i like to think of them as blessings and life savers.. good luck at the dr's, i hope all goes well.. =)

PolishPrince said...

I echo Erica's thoughts about children. You're not just living for you anymore, you have so many more, "obligations," to the people in your life. You owe it not only to yourself, but them to take the best care of...YOU!

Heather said...

Glad you are getting it check out and good luck.

Daisygirl said...

Ya know I was thinking maybe they could prescribe you something...when my hubby had the nut cut he took a "chill pill" of sorts and it took away the anxieties.

I want to grow old with my kiddoz too, thats my dream!

Great share! Happy Wednesday!

Amanda said...

My husband's was about as high as your's was. We've completely changed our diet at home ~ cut out almost all salt, which was hard at first... now we can't stand salted things LOL

They put him on medication and it works! His BP has dropped to normal!!! I will keep you in my prayers.

My Mercurial Nature said...

We're the same age and I have a complete blood work test being run in a week (figured it was time to stop avoiding doctors)! I'm with you...nothing is as important as being around for our children!

Aphrodite's Mortal Friend (ME) said...

I do believe you are correct- that THEY will always matter the most
;-) NOw get your but to the doctor and out the door for another run ;-)

Aging Mommy said...

Last year I had a health scare - the potential of "the big C" staring me in the face. Thankfully it turned out not to be, but I went through a long period of testing, waiting etc and during that time all I could think each day was "but I want to see my daughter grow up, see her be a teenager and go on her first date, see her walk down the aisle and live her life. So I totally understand how you are feeling. It's good you are going to the Doctors - then you can get some answers.

Confessions From A Working Mom said...

I've never even HAD my BP checked at my dentist's office. I didn't know they did that. DH is dealing with some (stress-induced) high BP recently... he hasnt' gone to the doctor yet, either. I am going to encourage him (anew) to do that after reading your post.

~Elizabeth

~Bry~ said...

Keep your courage! Good luck and good for you for getting it checked. Health problems haunt my brain constantly......I am well overdue!

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

I really wouldn't worry about it. BP raises in stressful situations and you do not like the dentist anyway.

Also, don't be surprised if it is raised again at the doctor's office just because you are nervous.

It will all be OK.

Honey B. said...

Glad you're getting it checked out...good luck!!

Tammy said...

I had to go on BP meds at age 40. I had vertigo really bad and that is when they saw my BP was high. I have been on the meds ever since. It will be okay. It is normal to worry a bit but you will have some answers tomorrow...in less than 24 hours! Hang in there!

MomWheeler said...

Hello My Kerri Lynn...Really Happy That You Have Taken Control Of This Situation! You Owe It Not Only To Your Family...But More Importantly...To Yourself! Just Think About Your Daddy...If It Takes Medication To Bring Your BP Down Then That's What You Do! You Do "Whatever It Takes" Right? Right! I Love You Much...Much. See You Soon! Your Mommy

Danielle said...

I'm so impressed that you called the doc and your heading in. I personally have hypertension (HBP) when I go to the GYN because its so stressful and brings on anxiety for me. There is actually a diagnosis for what I have (and I'm only telling you this not to diagnose you but to maybe calm your brain as mine flipped)... White Coat Syndrome.... where specific medical professionals get our body pumping more than we need/want.

Keep us posted!