Definately" Not Me!"

 I did not take a really long time in the bathroom the other night.  I did not finish my business and then just sit in the bathroom taking a moment to myself to get away from the whining of some of the children that live here with me.  I did not get asked by my oldest son "Mommy, what took you so long?, what WERE you doing in there?" upon exiting the bathroom.

I did not exhibit poor restraint when it came to a gift for one of my nieces.  I did not tell the clerk to remove the item from my order, then tell her to put it back on....and when she asked "are you sure?", I did not say "no but I guess so." (what does that even mean?)

I did not possibly flash my elderly neighbor last night.  By flash I do not mean that I pulled my pants down and mooned Darren while I was bending to turn a dimmer switch on.  I did not moon Darren while the curtains were open and giving my elderly neighbor quite a site.  I did not duck to the floor once I turned and saw the neighbor creepily staring over in our general direction.  I did not say "So what!  If he wants to see my butt then I'll show him my butt!"

Laying in bed last I most certainly did not devise a plan for NEXT Christmas.  I did not vow to start shopping earlier, buy less, and revamp hosting Christmas so that the kids get the gifts and the adults don't exchange a thing.  I did not fall asleep thinking to myself, "yeah, right"

I did not totally get 15 well deserved dollars off a gift for Darren by b*itching and complaining about the stores terrible customer service.  I did not totally feel justified to ask obnoxious questions and make smug glances at the poor representative who got me when I was down to my last nerve.  I did not secretly wish I could high five myself once I was back in the van with the deal securely in the back.  Go me!

I did not bust my butt go out and finish my Christmas gift shopping this morning and Christmas grocery shopping this afternoon so I wouldn't have to go anywhere but to and from Jacek's school tomorrow and out on an outing with the boys and Debbie (mother in law) on Wednesday. I am not so totally happy and excited that I am done! 

I am not thinking to myself right now "I bet there is something I forgot."  Dang it all!!!!

Oh, I could go on and on and on.  I haven't done a lot this week.  Nope.  Not.  Me.