After not taking birth control for years I recently started taking them again for 13 days. I stopped taking them today. How quickly I was reminded of the reasons why I couldn’t wait to stop taking them six years ago. They change me. They almost dehumanize me. I either feel numb to emotions or like I’m riding an emotional roller coaster. I am so quick to anger and so slow to defuse. I am easily irritated and less willing to work on a solution. They basically make me miserable. I’d rather deal with a migraine once or twice a month then deal with an alien inside my skin.
I talked it over with Darren. We are done being pregnant. We have our boys and we are a happy family of four. We’ve needed to put closure on our back and forth with wanting another, not wanting another, and not being sure either way for some time now. We are sure. We’ve made up our minds. Our family is complete.
I am not only unwilling to push hormones into my body for an undetermined amount of time I refuse to do it. It is not worth it to me. In just 13 days our decision became clear. Either we chance getting pregnant or Darren gets a vasectomy.
Darren says he is committed to a vasectomy come the beginning of the next year. I admire him and appreciate his decision. I am welcoming the completion of our “starting a family” phase and look forward to the years ahead “having a family”.
I admit it will be sad to not have the possibility of another child made from us any more but in the long run this is good for us. It will set us on our future course. Another big decision decided upon and made final. Plus adoption is always a possibility if the want or need should arise in the future. I've always been open to adoption.
Aidan did not like the snow. He for the most part stood or sat in one spot. He eventually started to cry which signaled me to scoop him up and take him back inside. Jacek liked the snow and enjoyed playing but didn’t like his gloves getting wet. Our doggies loved playing with us in the snow. Our cute little family enjoying each other, I enjoyed it very much.
Christmas is in 12 days. I’ve enjoyed this Christmas season so far. It’s the first time I’ve gone all out and decorated our house since I was pregnant with Jacek.
We’ve got very little shopping left to do and I’ve made cookies with the boys and eaten all the cookies with the boys. I shared some I promise.
We host Christmas. I’m looking forward to it. The food I’ve selected should be delicious and the family and the friends will be thoroughly enjoyed. I’m very much looking forward to it.
With December being half over and the new year looming I’ve been thinking about change, growth and new goals. It's hard to evaluate your own life because it makes you notice your weaknesses. I've got a bunch but I'm working at them. I might never conquer them all but I can at least say I tried. I have things on my "list" for next year that seem unreachable but I put them on the list to fire me up. I know once I find my inspiration I go full steam ahead, it's just wanting it bad enough that is difficult for me. It's so easier just sticking with what we know. I vow to change. I vow to be better.
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We have our 12 year old niece and 14 year old nephew over tonight. My sister and brother in law are out enjoying time with friends at a Christmas party with no curfew.
We played a fun game with them, ate cookies and a lot of cashews. We were laughing so loud we woke up Jacek. When I was tucking him back into bed he informed me that in the morning we would be talking about why everyone was laughing so loudly we woke him up.
Then I went into the living room to start my evenings blog and the internet was down. I started writing in Microsoft word when it came back up. Yea for that. It's the little things that really do make us happy.
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I hope everyone is enjoying the magic of the season. There's magic in everything if we sit still long enough to notice.
1 comment:
i totally agree with you about the birth control.. i know exactly what you mean.. i think i've changed so much (for the better) since i've been off it.. i was on it for so long i didn't even know myself i guess.. i had been on it since i was 16.. i'm so greatful that carl lee agreed to get "the snip" as well.. it's sad from time to time, knowing that i'm not going to have any more children, but like you said, i can look forward to our family moving on and growing together.. i have my two (not to mention two extra) and i couldn't be happier..
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