Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Pain reminds us we're alive-Love reminds us why

It's hard not to dissect your faith(religious or otherwise) when those that you consider essential are grieving.

I try not to give advice, choosing instead to be a place where they might come to rest, to take a break from the sadness that encompasses so much of their day now.

At the end of my day though I've been thinking.  Thinking about pain.  Thinking about love.
Thinking about the loss and emptiness we feel when someone we love dies.  

Questions, doubt and what-if's flood our thoughts.
What happens to them now?  
I don't think they knew how much I loved them.
What if I never get to seem them again?

The foundation of faith(religious or otherwise) is shaken to its core.  It becomes a struggle of great proportions.

Does their energy remain here?
Is there an after life? 
Are they just gone?

If you are open to it, religion will point you in the direction of these answers but there are many religions and many different answers. 

Having faith is simply and complicatedly described as having a strong conviction about something.   What that something is, can vary depending on what speaks to you or what makes the most sense.

Everyone has their own.

If you take away all those questions about death and what happens after we die however, you will find yourself left with a universal emotion that everyone feels, regardless of their faith.


Pain exists without regard to religion.
Pain can exist without love but not the reverse.   
You can not love and never feel pain nor, I believe, should you ever want to try.

 To me, this is an answer.  I find it comforting. Without pain we might just up and forget what love is.

People we love die suddenly no matter how much time we have to prepare ourselves.  Suddenly everything changes and then almost everything is different, 
everything except the love we have for them...that stays the same.  
The pain reminds us of that.

I don't think what happens next is what we should focus on.  We can't control it anyways.

The pain is something real and tangible.  We should embrace the pain and be assured by it. 

Loving is what we are all born to do.  At least, that's what I believe.


Harder and longer.  Without pause.  Without regret.

And when the pain is there, let it in, for it is love returned to embrace us.

Feel.  Be sad that they are gone.  Cry. Be sad that life is now changed.

Feel the pain and allow love to pull you out on the other side.

Pain reminds us we're alive.  
Love reminds us why.

I'm pretty sure you can put your faith in that.


The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

I think that was really very well put.

Thank you.

JennyMac said...

Awesome post..and the last line about pain and love is so true.

Shell said...

One of the most beautiful posts I've read in a long time.

Candace said...

This strikes a chord. I think you're right. But it's so hard to not want an "answer" about where they are now... And there will never be an answer, especially if you are lacking "faith" (of any kind). But I believe you're right. The pain reminds us that we loved. And that's a beautiful thing. Eventually, I think I'll be able to focus on that. Eventually. Not now. THANKS KERRI!

Rindie K said...

Thanks sweetie for your blog today. My beautiful Jerry will have been gone for 18 long years tomorrow and he has been gone longer than he lived and I know I will see him again and I know that he is all around me still being a prankster that he was and now he has cousins to help him mess with me. Things happen to me here late at night that are "unexplainable" and I just know that it is him and Dan and Brendon which makes me feel a whole lot better!!

Rindie K said...

sorry Brennan

Elle said...

I found you on SITS today, and I'm so glad I did. Today marks what should have been my youngest sister's 22nd birthday. Sadly, she is not here to celebrate with us today; her life was cut tragically short when she was murdered just over two years ago. I am feeling the pain today, and you reminded me that that's okay, and it is even good. Thank you.

Confessions From A Working Mom said...

GREAT POST! I have a friend who is an atheist, and I always wonder why he chooses not to believe in something that could bring him so much solace. I think believing in a better life after death is the only thing that keeps me going at times! If there wasn't that after life, then what are we working so hard for? Why are we working or living at all?

Confessions From A Working Mom

Juggling Thoughts said...

Well put. I lost my Dad two years ago in January. The pain has been great. But the knowing that he's up there waiting for me and in a better place keeps me going.

I sat next to him the day he died and when he died. I've never been an extremely religious person going to church every Sunday, but much more spiritual. I've never felt more strongly about a higher power than when I was with him during this time.

I watched him leave this earth and be taken. He was peaceful, and not alone. That's what matters.

Great post! I'm stopping by from SITS today, hope this finds you well!

{Not Quite} Susie said...

"Pain can exist without love but not the reverse.
You can not love and never feel pain nor, I believe, should you ever want to try."

Amen, sister. :)

Crystal said...

This is a great post - I work in dialysis and eal with most of what you wrote each day I work - it was a perfect understanding.

Mrs4444 said...

My best friend lost her 17-year-old son a couple of years ago, and I did my best to comfort her through the depths of pain I hope I never even touch. She's doing well, now (as well as can be expected, anyway), and this blows me away, because her suffering was soooo great. Excellent post.