Thursday, March 11, 2010

Guest Blogger #4 - Candace's Thoughts on Love

 Here to make good on her "friendly wager" with me is Candace.
Candace is a Mom that I met when she moved to NY from OH and showed up at
MY library with her TWO little boys for story time.  
Not long after meeting, we began to break all the play-group rules....and started having play dates on the side and have since begun quite a lovely friend-affair.  She is one of my favorite things!  She's right up there with ice cream, beer and blogging.  

After you are done here you must go and visit her at her home

So, here is the last of my Guest Bloggers (at least for a little while)
Please show her some comment love
Hello everyone! I'm Candace. I'm 34. I'm a stay-at-home mom, but work in the evenings and do some work from home in my "down time" (Ha. Like I have any of that...) I use to work. I have my masters in sociology. I chose to stay home because I wanted to. I'm married. I have two beautiful boys. I've been with my husband since 2000 (married since 2002). Prior to him, I dated. I experienced life. I had me some fun.

I don't feel like humans are meant to be monogamous. I think by nature, we want to explore and experiment and spread our love (pardon my terminology). However, it's also human nature to love and want to be loved. And the latter wins. Finding love is more fulfilling than "spreading our love", if you know what I mean. But it takes work. A LOT of work. And it is
so worth it. I think the real purpose of life is to love and be loved, because in the end, what else is there? We all die one day (I'm more aware of this now than ever before), and when we do, if we didn't love, it will be as if we were never even here.

I was watching Divorce Court several years ago. Terrible, I know. I was working at someone's house and the TV only got local stations. I figured Divorce Court was better than soap operas. (I still think so.) I digress. I was watching Divorce Court and at the end of the show, the judge read a letter from a "fan" (who writes in to Divorce Court???), asking what the secret to marriage was. I remember her saying that the best marriage advice she ever received was from her grandparents. They said the secret to marriage was to not fall out of love at the same time. I so agree. We're bound to have our feelings for our partner wax and wane. As long as both people don't wax (or wane) at the same time, then someone is always working at the relationship.

Soul mates. Do I believe that there's one person out there for me?

Not for a single second.

I'm happy to be sharing my life with someone. I'm happy HE is the person I have chosen to share my life, to have children with, to experience life with. But do I think he's my soul mate? No.

I believe we can fall in love with a lot of people. I believe we can create a life with many different people. Like my Dad once told me...the grass isn't always greener. I could have chosen to marry someone else and might have been just as happy (or less, or more for that matter) as I am now. It's all a matter of finding someone you love of course, but also someone who has "things" you can handle. There are a million WRONG people out there for me. But I do believe there are a bunch of RIGHT people out there too. I might have fallen in love with someone else and married them, and maybe they wouldn't have the same "things" my husband has for me to deal with
(some motivational issues, lack of interest in laundry, dishes and kitty litter), but sure as shit, they'd have other "things". And maybe they wouldn't be the amazing father that he is. And maybe they wouldn't love me as much as he does. The grass isn't always greener...

I am with my husband because I WANT to be. I'm not with him because I think he's the only one out there for me.
(Wouldn't that be crazy if my one and only soul mate grew up in the same exact town as I did? I mean, forget the entire rest of the world!?!?!) I think he's special. I'm with him because I chose to be. And that should make him happy. And he chose to be with me, which makes me very happy.


Confessions From A Working Mom said...

This is a GREAT post-- and it's really true. My mom always said love isn't about wild passion and romance. It's about finding a person who is on the same "track" as you-- someone who wants to get married when you want to get married, wants to have kids when you want to have kids, etc. So far, that logic has worked for me!

Confessions From A Working Mom

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

That was very sweet. Nice to meet you Candace. I will stop on by your site!

Cynthia said...

Yes, you are right in saying that the grass ISN'T greener on the other side. I have said it many times over. I say that with your age there comes wisdom with that, and you are ahead of your years. Working at marriage is an all-time experience, and is so well worth every second of it. Not having this kind of love is a sad and lonely place. I commend you on your healthy insight and love for your husband and family.

Writing Without Periods! said...

I found this out a long time ago. And your post reminded about that. Thanks. Lovely blog.

erica said...

i agree with you 100%.. very well said.. i really hope that my mom reads this.. hopefully it will help her understand my relationship choice.. ;)