Friday (Conversation) Fragments

"If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?" 

The other day I was rushing into Aldi's (where you have to use a quarter in order to get a cart) to pick up a few items that I could carry in my hands.  
On my way towards the entrance, bypassing the carts, an elderly woman started hollering at me.  

Elderly Woman Demanding: "Hey! Take my cart."

I stopped and looked at her.  

Elderly Woman becoming forceful and shoving cart at me:
"Here. Take it!  It's free"  

I chuckled and smirked at her.  
Kerri being slightly sarcastic but smiling: 
"It's not like I get to KEEP the cart".  

She stopped and looked at me.  
Kerri trying to convince elderly she IS nice: 
"I don't need a cart but would you like me to take it back for you?"  

Elderly Woman becoming grouchy and yanks cart back: 
"No, never mind.  I want my quarter back anyways."  

Kerri muttering under her breath: 
"And I bet you think teenagers have attitudes!  Geesh."

Elderly woman: {{glaring at Kerri}}


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While in the check out line at our local Wal-Mart I put two coupons up on the counter and waited for the clerk to ring up all my groceries.  
She glanced at the coupons and clicked on her ominous blinking light summoning help. 
I wrinkled my brow in distaste.  


Walmart Clerk:  "We're not going to be able to accept those"
Kerri being pleasant: "Why is that?"

All of a sudden, the front end manager shows up like a hidden little troll under a bridge.  

Manager Troll: "These are counterfeit!"  "These are fraudulent!"  
She looks at me.  I'm looking at her.  
Kerri becoming irritated and annoyed:  "Why. Is. That?"  

Manager Troll becoming louder:  
"You don't want to get caught using these.  You can get in a lot of trouble."  

I laughed.  My son was tugging at me.  
Jacek being his sweet self: "Are you in trouble Mommy?"
Kerri being Mommy: "No, this lady is just trying to scare me."

Manager Troll appallingly yelling:
"I'm not trying to SCARE you.  I'm trying to tell you that you don't want to get caught with these!"

Kerri being cool as a cucumber: 
"Well I'm not the one who made them so I'm not really worried about being caught using them.  I just assumed they were regular every day store coupons.  I found them online at a coupon site." 

She looks at me.  She glances down at my son.

Manager troll trying to decide if she believes me or not:  
"From a coupon site.  Really?!?"

Manager Troll apparently thinks I didn't hear her the other 2 times: "Well, you can't use them" 

Manager Troll's SWEET split personality emerges: 
"Would you like them back?

Kerri being purely sarcastic now: 
"Sure. I'll go and try to use them somewhere else."

She looks at me with really big eyes.


Kerri's SWEET split personality emerges: 
"No, I don't want them back.  Can you please throw them out for me?"

She rips them up. 

Manager troll addresses customers behind me: 
"Sorry for the hold up.  She was using fraudulent coupons."

They look at me.  I look at them.  I look at my son.


I BITE MY TONGUE and walk away.


This is exactly why I should never go shopping alone.  Had my son not been there, I might have found myself wrestling with a troll.


And everyone knows trolls don't play fair.