Reunited And It Feels So Good

Since my old laptop was so frustrating to use I've put off taking crazy photo shoots.

I've missed my camera

 

with all it's miscellaneous settings.

I've missed taking photo after photo

not really knowing what I'm doing

and capturing something totally unexpected.

"Awesome.  Now, if I could only do it again"

Saturday Snip Its (no pun intended)

After not taking birth control for years I recently started taking them again for 13 days.  I stopped taking them today.  How quickly I was reminded of the reasons why I couldn’t wait to stop taking them six years ago.  They change me.  They almost dehumanize me.  I either feel numb to emotions or like I’m riding an emotional roller coaster.  I am so quick to anger and so slow to defuse.  I am easily irritated and less willing to work on a solution.  They basically make me miserable.  I’d rather deal with a migraine once or twice a month then deal with an alien inside my skin.

I talked it over with Darren.  We are done being pregnant.  We have our boys and we are a happy family of four.  We’ve needed to put closure on our back and forth with wanting another, not wanting another, and not being sure either way for some time now.  We are sure.  We’ve made up our minds.  Our family is complete.

I am not only unwilling to push hormones into my body for an undetermined amount of time I refuse to do it.  It is not worth it to me.  In just 13 days our decision became clear.  Either we chance getting pregnant or Darren gets a vasectomy. 

Darren says he is committed to a vasectomy come the beginning of the next year.  I admire him and appreciate his decision.  I am welcoming the completion of our “starting a family” phase and look forward to the years ahead “having a family”. 

I admit it will be sad to not have the possibility of another child made from us any more but in the long run this is good for us.  It will set us on our future course.  Another big decision decided upon and made final.  Plus adoption is always a possibility if the want or need should arise in the future.  I've always been open to adoption.

When I got home from work we took the boys outside to play in the snow for the first time this winter.  Actually it’s not even winter yet but the first snow of the season kind of begins winter in my mind.

Aidan did not like the snow. He for the most part stood or sat in one spot.  He eventually started to cry which signaled me to scoop him up and take him back inside.   Jacek liked the snow and enjoyed playing but didn’t like his gloves getting wet.  Our doggies loved playing with us in the snow.  Our cute little family enjoying each other, I enjoyed it very much. 

Christmas is in 12 days.  I’ve enjoyed this Christmas season so far.  It’s the first time I’ve gone all out and decorated our house since I was pregnant with Jacek. 

We’ve got very little shopping left to do and I’ve made cookies with the boys and eaten all the cookies with the boys.  I shared some I promise.

We host Christmas.  I’m looking forward to it.  The food I’ve selected should be delicious and the family and the friends will be thoroughly enjoyed.   I’m very much looking forward to it.

With December being half over and the new year looming I’ve been thinking about change, growth and new goals.  It's hard to evaluate your own life because it makes you notice your weaknesses.  I've got a bunch but I'm working at them.  I might never conquer them all but I can at least say I tried.  I have things on my "list" for next year that seem unreachable but I put them on the list to fire me up.  I know once I find my inspiration I go full steam ahead, it's just wanting it bad enough that is difficult for me.  It's so easier just sticking with what we know.  I vow to change.  I vow to be better.

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We have our 12 year old niece and 14 year old nephew over tonight.  My sister and brother in law are out enjoying time with friends at a Christmas party with no curfew.
We played a fun game with them, ate cookies and a lot of cashews.  We were laughing so loud we woke up Jacek.  When I was tucking him back into bed he informed me that in the morning we would be talking about why everyone was laughing so loudly we woke him up.
Then I went into the living room to start my evenings blog and the internet was down.  I started writing in Microsoft word when it came back up.  Yea for that.  It's the little things that really do make us happy.

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I hope everyone is enjoying the magic of the season.  There's magic in everything if we sit still long enough to notice.

Knock Knock

I was washing dishes when the UPS man knocked on our front door.  Jacek came running shouting "The guy that drives that big truck is here, not the mailman, the other one!!"


I couldn't wait to get my hands on his package.  Err...I mean, my package.


Coming back in the house holding it I was in my glory but I have children so the package would sit neglected until they went down for nap.


Not soon enough.  They were so whiny today.   Nothing I did or said or yelled worked.

When I finally got to the waiting package I was eating brownies out of the pan with a fork.  They were caramel fudge brownies and so very yummy and gooey.  Quite delightful.  I sure spoiled myself today.

I type this post using what was inside that brown box delivered to me from the man in the big truck.

My new laptop.  Oh, how I love thee.  Oh, how I will treasure thee and write wonderful things with thee.

Getting this laptop did several things for me today.


1.  Removed an item off my frustration list
2.  Made me very happy
3.  Gave me something to blog about 

And as most things do it had a trickle effect as well.

1. We now have the old laptop permanently hooked up to our TV, where we can watch movies, missed t.v shows, view photos, recorded video, etc. on.  It creates more flow in our technological desires and basically it's like having a computer with a 32" monitor.  Yeah, pretty nice. Although, along with the old laptop and the 32" screen T.V. is a deck of cards still doing it's job at holding up the dang power cord thingy.  Hey, it works, who cares if it makes me a redneck.

When we first got our Netflix account we were unable to use our computer hooked up to the television to view any of their "instant movies".  Now, however we can.

Jacek now has a HUGE selection of both educational and non-educational videos to choose from.  Tonight for his first one he chose Mighty Machines: Big Wheels Rollin'.  It's real video of mighty machines paired with voices as if they are talking and explaining their jobs.

He's enthralled by it.  

I am enthralled that I am not holding my laptop 
AND a phone book 
AND a deck of cards in order to type this.

"The smoother the concrete, the longer it will last"  says Big Fella.

Hey, you're pretty smart for a cement mixer.  

That logic applies to many, many things. 

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one." ~ C.S. Lewis

A few weeks ago I invited 5 friends to come over for a cookie exchange tonight

These 5 friends of mine our all mothers.

A cookie exchange is where everyone bakes a dozen cookies per attendee

so if all participated we would have had to make 6 dozen cookies each

Did I mention we are all mothers?

We quickly changed it from a dozen per attendee to just a dozen...period.

I got 3 yes's and 2 maybes

Today it snowed.  A lot.

Today it was also really, really windy.

Tonight 1 of the yes's and the maybe showed up for the cookie exchange.

We drank wine

and talked

with no interruptions

We also ate cookies

Sometimes the best laid plans often fail

and what happens instead is better then expected.

Wordless Wednesday 12/09/2009

A Little Bit of Something

I headed out this evening to do some Christmas shopping.  On my own, I should add, no boys in tow.  How wonderful is that?  (thank you honey)


I miss our van.  Our "loner" van does not have a working radio.

So, it was just me and my thoughts.  

I turned onto a main street and noticed the number of houses lit up by Christmas lights.

"Wow, that is something" I said to myself.

I slowed my speed and took in the views.  Both sides of the street were just lit up.  There are some people that go ALL out 

and I'm so thankful for them.  

It's amazing.  

Fences, posts, lights on all levels, trees, wreaths, bushes, mailboxes, windows...all adorned with shiny, sparkly, miniature colored light bulbs.  

One house has a humongous tree up in front of a window that must be either in an attic or a finished 3rd floor. It's something to see, not to mention that the rest of their house and yard is just spectacularly decorated as well.

And then there are the houses that are dark.

 I'm talking about the houses without an inkling of visual holiday spirit or just plan spirit for that matter.  I'm not talking about the houses that just have their Christmas tree lights on, or the ones that have those little candle lights in their windows, or even those with just regular house hold lamps on.

These houses still have *something*, whether it is small or not. 

I'm talking about the houses that are dark.

We live in the country and most people leave their window coverings open.  I love to catch a glimpse of the insides of other peoples homes passing by.  It always makes me wonder who lives there and what lives they lead and how they differ from my own.

In a lot of houses there is not even a glimmer of *something*.

I understand not everyone celebrates Christmas in the same way.  Not everyone celebrates Christmas, period.  But these houses were so dark and dreary.  Some appeared desolate.  It's cold and gray here.  With no leaves on the trees and the grass not a bright green of summer days the houses themselves seemed lonely.


And in feeling this I thought of a blog that I read earlier in the day.

she asked of her readers


What do you really want for Christmas?
...or Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, or Eid...that money can't buy?
 

We don't have our outside decorations up yet but the inside of our home reeks of Christmas. My Christmas spirit appears to have exploded.  The love I feel for my family conveyed in the way of festive decor. I am happy inside and I showed it.  This is my *something*  My house is lit up as is my heart. What do I really want for Christmas?  That money can't buy. I want everyone to have *something* that makes them feel good. 
A decorated house.  A hug from a relative returning home for the holidays.  A warm cup of coffee.  A smile from a stranger.  A held door.  A new baby.  A dream come true.  Memories.  A kiss.  Music. Food.  Laughter.  A good cry.  LOVE.   Feel. because it reminds us that we are  A  L  I  V  E. 
That is what I *really* want for Christmas. A little bit of something.
for everyone.

Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero. ~Marc Brown

Aidan had his 15 month wellness check up this morning.  He'll actually be 16 months old on the 12th but due to an insurance change we had to wait until December.

Today it was just Mommy and the boys.  Darren had to go to work.

The check up part was easy but it was the news that he was due to get four shots, 2 in each leg that was hard to stomach.

When the nurse came in with the needles I asked Jacek if he would like to come up to the table and hold Aidan's hand during the shots.

His eyes filled with tears.

"I don't want Aidan to get shots.  They hurt", he says.

"I know Buddy but he needs them to stay strong and healthy."

He pulled out the little step that the doctor tables have and stepped up to his brothers side.  He first touched Aidan's hand and Aidan turned his head to him.  

Then the nurse said she was ready to begin.

Jacek held Aidans hand so tight that both their hands were red when he finally let go.

Aidan screamed during the shots and although he didn't make any noise I think Jacek was screaming too.

I praised Aidan for being such a brave boy and Jacek for being such a great big brother. Jacek seemed sad.

As the nurse placed band-aids on Aidan's leg I saw Jacek glancing at his brothers legs with a heavy heart.

Later, during dinner Jacek and I were recalling our day for Darren.

I again praised Jacek for being such a great big brother.  He nodded his head and beamed proudly at his Daddy.

"What you felt when you were holding Aidan's hand Jacek, that was love.  That's what love feels like."

"Aidan's my brother"  he says.

"Yes, and you're his."  "Forever."